28th October 2020
by Charlotte Wilson
…to Halloween 2020
Let’s face it, 2020 really doesn’t need anything else to make it anymore horrifying. But alas, here we are, just a few short days until the spookiest night of the year where the worthless deeds of evil and darkness wreak-havoc upon the souls of the innocent. * And no, I don’t mean the US presidential election, I mean cheeky ol’ All Hallows Eve of course. Or you know, Halloween – if you’re basic.
*Apologies for the theatrics, I’m just paraphrasing some propaganda from the Bible.
Halloween 2020, a time for pumpkin spiced lattes supped through kitsch floral masks, tipsy Harley Quinn’s that’ll be tucked up in bed by 10.15pm and sweet treats that need to be hurled over front gates in air-tight containers to appease excitable grandchildren. What a time to be alive.
Well, this got us thinking. Has anyone thought about how the monsters are going to cope? If many businesses have had to alter the way they operate in order to survive this year, then it’s fair to say that the workers of the underworld are going to suffer too. Well, not on our watch. Thankfully, here at Pistachio we’ve come up with some key ways in which our favourite Halloween-heavyweights can survive a post-Covid Britain in 2020…
From Count Dracula to Edward Cullen, I think we can all agree that vampires are sexy. No judgement, just facts. Usually found charming young girls of questionable age, vampires are also super smart and dangerous. The Don Juan’s of the underworld if you like. So, how can they adapt and overcome a very altered 2020 this Halloween and still keep their blood count up?
Well, with a 10pm curfew and everyone safely tucked up inside their homes, a vamps trade is likely to suffer. To fight back against this down-turn in acquisition, we’d suggest taking a stab at some amateur dramatics. A brooding police officer is the perfect fit for an enchanting immortal aristocrat with three shrill wives to feed. By knocking on the doors of possible rule-breakers, the inventive vampire should be able to gain that all-important invite in and scare the fiends into not being so reckless with their indoor head-count ever again.
Notoriously unpredictable and difficult to control, saving a werewolf’s skin this Halloween is probably quite a thankless task. But nevertheless, we’re here to serve the community in any way that we can to keep businesses booming in 2020. The issue that wolfy-shapeshifters might find this year is that humans are likely to be more scared of other humans than they are of bewitched wolves. It’s nothing personal, just that animals don’t appear to be able to pass the virus on to humans, unlike handsy Aunt Linda after a few too many sherries.
With this in mind we’d urge the werewolf community not to lose heart if humans don’t run away in terror from them this Halloween, and instead suggest they get their fill of scaring delinquent reprobates somewhere in central London instead, Westminster should do.
The Army of the Undead
This applies to all those who identify as a zombie or mummified entity. Unfortunately you will not be able to feast on human flesh this year on account of trying to stop the spread of the virus reaching the inhabitants of Hades as well. Therefore, your efforts would be put to better use assisting in the application of PPE on the living.
As you already have notable experience of infectious diseases, and covering your hands and mouths with medical equipment, why not capitalise on your valuable knowledge and offer virtual training sessions via Zoom on what you’ve learnt from your own experiences with a contagious virus.
Ladies, it’s your time to shine. For centuries your talents as natural healers and intuitive intellectuals have been brutally punished. Well no more. This Halloween you will not have to wheel out the old broomstick and cackle across the silhouette of a full moon to earn your spooky stripes. Oh no. Instead you will use your talents for brewing powerful potions to come up with a vaccine to rid the world of this debilitating disease and allow your fellow nightcrawlers to go back to scaring people in peace in time for Halloween 2021.
If you succeed in this, we will look the other way when you trap annoying tweens in houses made of sweets.
We hope this guide has been helpful and will aid those of you in the business of horror to keep things ticking over this Halloween. If however, you are still in the land of the living and would like some top-tips on how to digitise and promote your business in the wake of Covid-19, check out our Survive and Thrive digital toolkit here or get in touch today…we’ll try not to bite…