Mid-Year Musings

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21st June 2022

by Charlotte Wilson


What’s that? It’s JUNE? Already? Yep. We’re halfway through the year folks, and what a wild ride it’s been.

After a tumultuous two years filled with isolation, furlough, face masks, depositions, illegal parties, football highs (and lows), glow ups and breakdowns, we’re now hurtling through 2022 at breakneck speed.

But, just what have we learned?

Well, we’re taking a quick look back at what’s been happening so far this year, and what it’s taught us…

Covid finally fudged off. Yes, it’s still very much ‘in circulation’ and something we should all be careful and respectful of. Of course. BUT how great is it not to live in perpetual fear of lockdown and isolation? To let our little faces breathe in the sweet, sweet planet-killing air around us? And – and this is the big one we’ve all been waiting for – to dance on a sweaty, packed dancefloor until 3am again!? Oh, how glorious life can be.

Britney is FREE bebez. It’s been 12 long years, but our girl has broken free from the chains of her oppressive conservatorship and is out here living her best life at last. Just married, and with a clandestine prenup firmly in place, the 00s comeback revolution can finally begin. So, grab your juicy couture trackies, your pink Motorola flip phone and get in loser, because we’re going shopping… (the low-rise jeans can stay firmly in the past though, thanks).

Westminster got loose, again. Yep. While we were all patiently waiting for Covid to blow over, supping our G&T’s alone, rationing squares of loo roll and getting sweaty palms thinking we were going to face a 1 stretch for passing Granny a tea cake over the garden fence. The people running the country were vomiting cheap merlot over Carrie’s 100k refurb. We’re not sure what’s worse, the abuse of power, the unapologetic arrogance, or the cruel hard fact that people were forced to die alone while the Prime Minister hosted a hootnanny on taxpayer money. It’s a tough one to call.

Heard v. Depp kicked TF off. Not content with airing their (quite literal) dirty laundry in British courts, Captain Jack Sparrow and the actress formerly known as Amber Heard took to the stand once more to delight and appal a baying mob of couch-jurors (that’s us by the way). Whatever side of the fence you sit on, and whoever you choose to believe, discredit, or share misogynistic memes about, one thing is for sure. The dramatization and public zeitgeist that the defamation trial has generated has us wondering just how long it’ll be until we open those Colosseum gates once again…

Liz II partied, moderately. She’s done it folks; our Liz has smashed yet another record and celebrated her Platty Joobes earlier this month. We laughed, we cried, we kept a hawk eye out for Haz and Meg and got ready to shout unbecoming expletives should a certain holder of the Duchy of York pop up anywhere. Queenie did her best showing up and showing out in her best ‘fits. Putting any pretenders to the throne to SHAME in her killer hat and coat combos. But much like most of us, after day 1 and 2 of the bank hol weekend she’d had enough and took her marmalade sarnie to bed. Firmly shutting the curtains on a very loud karaoke party happening on her front lawn. We don’t blame you M’am.

Et Tu, Ivanka? With the wonderful job our own establishment is doing at running the country lately, it’s easy to miss what’s been happening across the pond. Well fear not, because in the last few weeks our Trump senses have been tingling, and boy oh boy we weren’t disappointed. Daddy’s little cheerleader finally turned her Carolina Herrera coat inside out and signalled the death knell for her father’s long-awaited downfall. Peering timidly out from a video call, bleakly projected onto the wall of the Committee hearing, Ivanka confirmed what the world already knew. That she too did not believe her father’s accusation that the election had been stolen from him. It’s ok Ivanka, it’s not like that lie caused any real trouble anyway…

So, there you have it. A round up of the year so far. What have we learned? Hmmm, that we should party hard, but only when the Queen tells us to. Don’t abuse the rights of iconic pop heroines and have faith that a Trump will always look out for number one.

What’s to come for the rest of the year? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see…

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