Font Wars

If you work in a creative agency, or have ever worked in close quarters with a graphic designer, you’ll know that they can have very strong opinions on fonts.

That’s right, tensions can get very strained when the Font Wars begin – voices become raised, tears are shed, things are thrown – and all because a client is insisting on using Comic Sans in their logo…

Sounds INSANE, right? Well actually no, this is a very common problem amongst designers the world over, a secret club if you like, a shared loathing for the varying different fonts that are mercilessly shoehorned into their masterful creations by adamant clients.

Still think they’re crazy? Well, we’re taking a look at what’s getting these creative little geniuses so hot and bothered under their trendy thick-framed, retro spectacles by asking the Pistachio design-team to pick their worst font-offenders…

Numero uno – COMIC SANS

A surprise to no-one really – even the non-designers amongst us know that Comic Sans is so trash. It’s the basic-bitch-spiced-pumpkin-latte of the font world, and my lord does it light the touch paper of a Font War.

Comic Sans is such a widely detested font that it is actually banned from being said out-loud by most design studios. Much like saying Macbeth in a theatre, if anyone dares to breathe its name in the vicinity of a designer then you should be prepared to take an organic chick-pea and kale smoothie to the face from uncontrollable rage and be immediately escorted off the premises with a face full of wasted vegan nutrition.

Number two – ARIEL

Oooosh, controversial right? Who hasn’t used a nice clean Ariel font on a CV or report? It’s clean, it’s smart, not too funky or medieval, and, most importantly, it’s not Times New Roman – which obviously means that you’re a professional, but you’re also a tech-savvy individual, right?

WRONG – according to designers, Ariel is frequently ‘misused’ which actually means “IT’S USED TO DEATH” – and for the studious designer, this actually highlights what a darn novice you are at thinking that you’re being clever by choosing a ‘different’ font. Ooopsie.

Number three – PAPYRUS

Ok, now we’re getting ‘funky’ (FYI ‘funky’ is another word that you should almost definitely never utter in front of a designer). Ah, Papyrus, the faux Egyptian look that is soooo in right now with the local entrepreneur is not a good look, apparently.

Instead of having the impactful look that clients desire from using Papyrus, allegedly it is actually ‘too dainty’ to ever look appropriate for effective marketing collateral. OUCH, what a sick burnnn.

Lucky number four – FUTURA BLACK

It. Is. Too. Blocky. Hear that folks? Officially, the technical phrase for why Futura Black is an offence to the seasoned designers eye is because it is a blocky piece of cr**p.

Thick, chunky and not at all inspiring – no this is not a relapsed reality TV star hitting the carbs – this is Futura Black font and it must be kept out of brands creative at all costs!!

Fantastic number five – Trajan

The font used on every movie poster, no matter the genre, time period or target audience. Seriously, you’ll see it on every billboard. Well, guess what? Hollywood movies make millions of dollars regardless of the font used on the poster – but most businesses don’t have the luxury of also having a semi-naked Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson to distract customers from their poor, and quite frankly lazy, font choice as well.

In conclusion, this post was inspired by the many, and varied, reckless uses of these fonts the world over. However, let us not forget that despite the unprecedented rage of the designer when presented with one of them, all fonts should be respected and loved for who they are, not what society expects them to be…

If you’re looking to update your branding, with or without participating in the Font Wars, then please get in touch today! We promise we won’t bite…

*disclaimer – yes we are aware that most of these are typefaces and not technically ‘fonts’ but Font Wars worked better, so there you have it.